I'm fragile. I'm breakable. I'm your mother's fucking china.

Wuss. Pussy. Chicken-effing-shit.

I have never been called these words but with the way I've been dealing recently, "I deserve to be" is nothing short of an understatement. That is a huge enough deal coming from me.

Whoever started the saying "When god closes a door, he opens another" is a fucking moron. It's either that or god hates me (and since I'm pretty sure I don't believe in god, I'm sticking with the moron story.) Why? Because that last archetype of a door was kicked shut on face, broke my nose, and left me in a futile search for that promised ajar one. So far, all I have been knocking onto and into are walls. Tall, solid, constricting. Walls.

My head smarts. My eyes are hateful geysers. I am like a chibi manga person with a crestfallen expression that's less cuter and more piercingly real. I'm being followed by this hovering dark cloud and people not only see it but actually feel it, emanating from me, and I hate it because I can't get rid of it, but then I don't wanna get rid of it, and now I'm just ten kinds of depressing.

My friend had advised me to look forward to the future but I can't. I can't find that feeling that would make me want to. I'm too busy wallowing. I like wallowing. Because wallowing is good to me. I'm sorry but I took the liberty of bulleting the reasons of that:

* Wallowing is solitary and draining and does not require a schedule for tomorrow.
* Wallowing lets you miss class for a week and never throws questions that make you squirm in guilt about it.
* It doesn't scold you to quit moping or say that you're only option is to move on with your life.
* It is never gonna ask you if everything's alright because it already knows it isn't. It fucking isn't.

That's why wallowing is my friend.

Lord, I need therapy. More than once I rode the bus and thought that if there ever was a crash and I died - I wouldn't care. I'd not want lots of others to be harmed in the crash so I would prefer it if the impact was on my side of bus. (Oh, fuck. Writing this and just plain thinking about it are two totally different experiences.) Correct me if I'm mistaken but I think that my train of thought reaching the point where I even picked a place to sit on the theoretical bus qualifies me as psychotic bordering on suicidal. I do need a shrink, then. If only my family could afford it. If only I could own up to it. Why do I have to be the person that disintegrates at the first signs of failure? Why must I be him who loses determination when blocked with negativity? Him who gives up the fight as easily as butter to a knife? Yes, I'm fragile, I'm breakable. I'm your mother's fucking china.

wag paghinayangan ang slurpeeng natapon

nabili akong slurpee. may computer print-out sign na nakapaskil sa mismong slurpee machine:

Pakiusap. Huwag po ninyong papaapawin ang baso. Please lang.

mukhang rindi na ata ang staff nila sa pagpunas at pag-mop sa mga natatapong makukulay na yelo. dahan-dahn ako sa pagpindot para lumabas ang kulay pink at malagkit na (yum) slurpee at nanigurado na may isang sentimetrong distansya sa pagitan ang dulo ng cup at ang ng slurpee.

nagpunta ako sa counter. people watcher ako kaya ang tatlong tao sa pila sa harapan ko ang napagdiskitahan kong panoorin habang nagbabayad sila. hotdog. napkin. kulay orange na slurpee. at mabenta ang slurpee. mainit nga naman sa labas. nang ibaba ko na ang slurpee sa glass counter para magbayad, ampowtah, overflowing ang pink sa kamay ko, sa lapag, at sa salamin. parang buhay ang slurpee na lumaki bila ng isang pulgada at naungusan ang height ng baso gaya ni erap kay villar sa survey.

anong sabi ko kay kuyang cashier?

"Hala kuya! Hindi yan ganyan kanina! Mag-isang lumalabas yung slurpee nyo sa baso!"

tinginan ang mga tao. defensive?

at bakit nga ba ayaw ng pink na slurpee sa baso nito? dahil ba ito ay kulay blue?

for what it's worth, it was worth all the while

In life, there would be times when the unexpected beats the hell out of the best laid plans - or something to that effect. Now, I have known about this quote for forever but only truly figured it out quite recently.

Just about everyone in my thesis group didn't plan on doing the preliminary defense and breeze through it, but we did. I didn't plan on forming the strongest of bonds with them the few times we've brought the work to my place, but I did. I didn't plan on being surrounded by an overwhelming number of amazing people on graduation day, but I was. I certainly never planned on, ^{nor even slightly expected, to be frank,} my last semester in school being the best one in all my college years, but it is.

So, I guess what I'm saying is that the security of having plans, no matter how grand and intricate and prudent you design them, sometimes pales in comparison to the joys the unexpected brings.

hair and beef jerky don't mix

OMFG, there's a hair strand in my jerky! What is up with this day? First I am almost late for my job application exam EVEN after leaving home an hour and a half before call time, then I get a 25 out of 38 in that evil IQ test I had to sit (curse those shape sequencing questions), and now there's fucking hair in my food. Why does the world hate me?

^{(lengthier than most)} PS. I'm in some fast food joint and there's a crying couple a few tables from mine. Like a literally tear-streaked-bloodshot-eyes crying couple. The guy shouts surreptitiously at the girl and then suddenly says solemnly, "I love you. Pero tuwing ginagawa mo un..." and trails off like he's too overcome with emotion to continue and I just want to grab both of them by the neck and throw them out the third storey window behind me. A little belligerent, yes, but, seriously, there's nothing worse than having to listen to a couple air out their dirty laundry while trying to fill the void in your stomach left by an unflattering IQ exam score with beef jerky that is bound to leave parts of itself in your teeth without you realizing it until too late. Well... OK, finding out there's hair from some unknown person's head in the jerky sure tops that.

No Badge Allowed

Gaano kakurakot ang Pilipino? Tuwing makikita ko ang isang notice na nakabalandara sa may bungaran ng mga bus sa Maynila, napagtatanto ko kung gaano talaga kakurakot ang mga Pilipino. "No Badge Allowed." Nakapintura. Nakabaybay sa mga plastik na letra. Permanente. Mahirap mabura. Kelan nga ba naging permanente sa atin ang pangungurakot? At kelan kaya ito mabubura?

not an editorial, but worth posting anyways

mahaba ito. prepare yourselves.

weeks ago, maam raqs asked if i could make an editorial for the team's newsletter. about the year the team had, its first year as an org, mga ganun. they needed it by 5pm that day. nareceive ko yung text 4:30. so in under 30 minutes (kasi hindi naman ako masyadong time pressured kay maam hehe) and what rules in editorial writing i could salvage from my distant days of technical writing in the past, eto ang kinalabasan (na sadly, hindi pa rin umabot ng deadline haha):

The CS Webteam started out in of 2007. Back then all it was aimed to accomplish was to put up and run the website for Adamson’s Computer Science Department. The team was a small group of students believed to be choice ones in the field. A group that had high hopes of making it. Two years later and a whole basilica of changes, the CS Webteam has been strapping itself with the necessary arms on its first year as an RSO. Faces were changed, rules were revisioned, new ideas were put to the table.

A lot of challenges has started hailing our way since before June when we finally got the thumbs up for recognition. It hasn’t at all been easy for anyone – from the adviser to the last person in the ranks – but the team, I should say, holds on. We may falter but we get right back up and promise ourselves to do better the second time around. Proof of that would have to be the continuous success of activities that the team has been organizing (and agonizing over) the last few months. They may be far from winning best event awards but we are proud to have been the ones that made them possible. Yes, we are proud. Of the achievements we made. Of the goals we met. Of the plans we continue making to better our fellow students. Lastly, of surviving the year that was.

A congratulatory pat on the back to everyone who lost sleep over this team. Keep on keeping on, CS Webteam.

no way i'm taking this lying on my back with legs spread open

seriously?

why can't i just get rid of this blog?
three things: i never open my friendster at all anymore; i still wouldn't create a facebook account; i try my best to stay away from yahoomail (cause they got freaking IMing embedded on it and i just dont like talking to people who talk back to me) - all tha shit and i STILL keep coming back to this page. i see an alert on gmail that some internet stray left a comment on one of my posts in starving and i get all grinny (that's a word i invented btw). everyFUCKINGtime. and then i go and delete the message because i wanna see the comment in here just for old time's sake and lo and behold, the comment goes:




and then i go WTF?! that blows on so many levels. damn. at least i guess i should be glad it isn't some ad for erectile dysfunction pill or something. yeah. that and the fact that this series of assholean comments left on my precious precious blog somehow made me want to come back here and defend it from substandard assholean terrorism. ahh. assholean. i really am back.

masturbation

found this one on retardedsnotebook.com
:::



the photo sure does justice to the word, heheh.

from urbandictionary.com

emo
Like a Goth, only much less dark and much more Harry Potter.

Push Comes to Shove

I gotta say, I’m not one for constantly checking announcements on notice boards so it wasn’t surprising that when I finally became aware of the posted bulletin about the CS Web Team needing Creative Writers, it’s been months since it was put up. My interest was definitely sparked. I should also mention that I am somewhat a writer, myself, and that “creative” was the very first word out of my mouth some twenty-odd years ago. Now, couple that with an impressive set of pictures of people in the adjacent bulletin board wearing even more impressive looking jackets that had the Web Team logo in them, my interest was now a fully-fledged arsonist’s workings. I wanted that jacket. Big time.

The thing was, I had doubts if I could actually maintain a position that required responsibility I had no idea how heavy at the time. Even when my classmates were relentlessly hearing me voice out my desire to join the Team, I admit to lacking initiative about these things. Call it being lazy or procrastinating, but I had my reasons. Let’s just say, I’ve had previous experiences with committing to something and being unable (slash unwilling) to meet my end of the bargain. It was a situation that turned into something nasty in the end, something I most certainly do not want to relive. Add to that my senseless intimidation of Ma’am Bermudez, one of the Web Team’s moderators, and I was practically solved on chickening out. Coward.

A fortnight or so ago, a couple of my professors, Ma’am Daligdig and Ma’am Garcia, and I were talking about random stuff and I kind of mentioned that I had wanted to join the Web Team as a writer but that the notice was put up, like, way back in June so I didn’t reckon there’d be anymore slots to fill. I dared not tell them about my other reasons for not joining. They asked me if I was more a writer or a programmer and it got me thinking – but only for a second. My reply: “Writer. Definitely a writer.”

I never meant for that conversation to get me where I’m at now, but right the next day Ma’am Daligdig was saying I was to go to the Department because Ma’am Bermudez was expecting me. Dear God, what have I done? I probably made a fool of myself while I talked to Ma’am Bermudez, eating my words trying to be coherent. I was jittery in a job interview kind of way. She wanted me to submit some of my written material for assessment and I told myself, “Self, no matter what you do, you have got to impress this woman.”

Since I haven’t done some recent writing and anything decent I did that wasn’t on a school paper, I did on the internet, I scoured my blog. I came across an article from 2006 about an incident in my ITF class taught by Ma’am Bermudez and I decided to include it as a material. It had a funny outlook that might grab her attention, to put it mildly. I knew it was a tad douche baggy, not to mention she could be offended with what I wrote and how I wrote it (and I obsessed about it the weekend after I submitted my material on a Friday evening and she told me to come back on Monday), but I took the risk. I could’ve made a few edits and make it unobtrusive but I wanted to show her how I truly write.

Monday, I entered the Department, resigned to whatever Ma’am Bermudez’s reaction would be. And what do you know, she was smiling. Cool.

I guess I have two professors I am indebted to. Because I realized that, push comes to shove, I am a writer. And about my newly acquired post in the Web Team, I’d like to say that it was the writer in me that had me finally diving in, but no, it was all the jackets. Yatta.

drive

“If you haven’t made your first million by 30, you will never make one.” The first time I heard that this statement was actually a scientific study of sorts, it made me make a quick assessment of my life. I’m 22, on my third year of undergraduate studies, and with hopes of graduating on time. Which all gives me roughly six years to make or break it. Shoot. I guess what coursed through me after that realization was tantamount to the panic you felt when your rival team is up by 3 points and the time on the clock says 5 seconds. And it’s their ball. Why, oh, why did I spend so much time (bumming around) in college, I ask myself.

My SAD professor recently made us interview a Systems Analyst to get an idea of what the industry would be like for us future professionals. I contacted somebody I knew who was a Senior Software Consultant to interview, and, my, was I blown away. She had worked for two software companies, (three including the current), held positions like Software Developer and Technical Support Specialist, had her Master’s Degree, was sent to the United States twice for projects and seminars, is presently racking up a range of 40 – 120 grand a month, has her own car, and has her Skills section in her resume start with “ADO.NET, ASP.NET, MS SQL Server, C#, ASP.NET Security, XML…” And I’m willing to bet that if she hasn’t made her first million yet (which I’m doubtful of), she’s definitely on her way. She’s 28.

The million, they say, need not be in bonds – it could be in any form of property that is the fruit of your sweat and blood over the course of graduation to the big 30. Inasmuch as that is consoling, it doesn’t make the feat any easier, especially for me. But determination, as I’ve found out in my years of college, can bring you to a goal as high as you dare set.

Before I submitted the interview transcript, I made a copy of my interviewee’s resume and tacked it up on my wall. Something to keep me “wanting” in times when my drive wavers. Yes, I want that million. I may not meet the crucial deadline, but I may just prove false the first sentence of this article.

the OTHER upper-eastsiders

Meet the Darlings -- the other upper-eastsiders.



The empire builder (who is disappointed at his children but uses his bottomless well of resources to "guide" them). The sophisticated socialite (who was having an affair with the family lawyer). The principled politician (who is having an affair with a transexual). The professional divorcee (who's... should I really add to that?). The Man of God (who tried to bribe a court official in a custody battle over his illegitemate child, Brian Jr). And the well-behaved twins.

Trivia:
When Dutch the family lawyer died, Tripp wanted to hire Bill Clinton to take up the position but changed his mind. Maybe Clinton's not good enough for him, huh.

Karen went through with a marriage ceremony, but demanded an annulment before the reception was over. She is thrice divorced, so what's the big deal, right?

Jeremy plays poker with Ethan Hawke, and writes music with Justin Timberlake. Well, Chuck Bass, what say you?

Juliet is extremely close to her twin brother, Jeremy, and believes they can sense each other's thoughts and emotions through "twintuition."

Seth Gabel, who plays Jeremy Darling, is Bryce Dallas Howard's husband! I never knew that.

An ad for the show that went in the New York Times:


LOL.

The royalties' here, bring out the dolla's.

~~~~~~~~~~

quote me do: Dirty Sexy Money

Karen: Something was off last night though. It wasn't the same.
Jeremy: Mmm... Do Tell.
Karen: Well, usually, when Giorgio and I have meaningless post-divorce sex, it feels a little less meaningless. Like we're somehow...
Jeremy: ...planets whose orbits intersect every ten years?
Karen: No, just hornier.

Patrick: So, you shot me in the leg.
Ellen: I was aiming for higher.

Patrick: What's the matter, baby?
Carmelita: Sometimes it, sometimes it's kinda depressing. The only thing intimate that ever takes place between us happens in hotel rooms and limousines. Never in public.
Patrick: Doing what we just did in public is illegal in most states.

Karen: Sweetie, I don't think, I don't think Daddy wants you to take the plane again. Jet fuel doesn't grow on trees.

Head Reverend: The state board has decided to suspend you for six months, during which time you are expected to undergo counseling for sexual addiction and attend a series of workshops.
Brian: Who doesn't love workshops?

Juliet: A-ha!
Jeremy: What?
Juliet: You were just talking to her.
Jeremy: Who?
Juliet: Your secret girlfriend.
Jeremy: I have no girlfriend
Juliet: Oh yeah, then who did you spend 600-grand on Bulgari? Justin Timberlake?

Lisa: I can't buy shoes that cost as much as car insurance.
Karen: Lisa, honey, don't be so financially resistant, okay? It's just money.

Jeremy: So can I use your place?
Lisa: For what?
Jeremy: Well, this girl I'm into doesn't know who I am. She thinks I'm poor.
Lisa: What gave her that idea?
Jeremy: I told her I was poor. So I need a place that looks like a poor guy would live there, you know?
Lisa: Jeremy, we're not poor.
Jeremy: Those ants look pretty low-budget.
Lisa: Those ants cost 12,000 bucks.
Jeremy: Proving my point.

The show's vicious. Watch it.

ken lee

anak ng. akala ko yung ken lee ang pangalan ng contestant hahaha! viktor krum nasan ka na?



^^

for those who beatle love

a musical. a remake. well, kinda.



i havent seen the original so ive nothing to compare it to but the soundtracks just dripping, beatles man, and the casts versions are more than decent, you gotta love it. even found this great blogsite where you can download em songs, free and clean copies, oh joy:

http://musicindexof.blogspot.com/2008/06/across-universe-soundtrack.html

kudos whoever you are for posting. im still looking for the michael johns across the universe studio version, if there is one.

quote me do: Veronica Mars

Seriously snappy dialogue from TV series Veronica Mars.

~~~~~~~~~~~~
[in a dream]
Veronica: Why are you here?
Lilly: Don't you watch any horror movies? My soul is doomed to walk the earth until justice has been served...
Veronica: Really?
Lilly: Yeah that, and as kind of a side project, I dispense fashion advice.

Jackson Douglas: I hear you do detective stuff for people.
Veronica: I do favors for friends.
Jackson Douglas: I can pay.
Veronica: Sit down, friend.

Veronica: Wait up!
Troy: Don't run, Veronica. People might think you're desperate.
Veronica: That would be a step-up, reputation-wise.

Van Clemmons: Mr. Echolls, I was wondering if I could have a word?
Logan: Anthropomorphic. All yours, big guy.

Keith: [happy] Who's your Daddy?
Veronica: I hate it when you say that.
Keith: This is important, you remember this, I used to be cool.
Veronica: When?
Keith: '77. Trans-Am, Blue Oyster Cult in the 8-track, foxy, stacked blond riding shotgun, racing for pink slips. Wait a minute, I'm thinking of a Springsteen song. Scratch everything. I was never cool.
Veronica: I don't know which bothers me more, "foxy" or "stacked".

Caz: Sabrina, I would never hurt you. You know, if you asked, I would jump off the roof?
Sabrina: Can I get you to stop that?
Veronica: Ask him to jump.

[interview practice in journalism class, Ashley and Veronica are paired]
Miss Dent: Remember, start with light, easy questions first. Let your subject get comfortable.
Ashley: So, Miss Mars, how do you respond to the rumors that you boyfriend hooked with strippers in Tijuana last weekend?
Veronica: Miss Banks, have you decided which parent you're going to live with after the divorce? And, if I may, a follow-up, can you believe your father's choice in mistresses?

Wallace: Another big Friday night. You got plans?
Veronica: I don't know. I might take Backup for a run or rent a movie, maybe.
Wallace: Hey, congratulations. You are officially Neptune High's most boring person.
Veronica: Did I mention the movie might be PG-13?

Trina: Will you just hear me out, please? My boyfriend Dylan spotted me some cash a few months ago and now he's bugging me about it. I can't get him off my back.
Logan: Did you try standing up?

Wallace: [about a suicide] I heard she left a note on her Blackberry.
Veronica: Talk about post modern.

Voiceover Veronica: Best way to stop wondering if your favorite teacher was trying to lure you between his black silk sheets? Research the mystery condition that's causing your ex-boyfriend and possible half-brother to take oxcarbazepine.

[Madison staring at a bathroom mirror]
Veronica: You can keep asking, but you're not the fairest. Trust me.
Madison: Well, I can tell you who the pastiest is. What's the deal - can't buy bronzer with food stamps?
Veronica: You wrote "slut" on my car last year at Shelly's party. Why?
Madison: Because "whore" had too many letters.

Veronica: I'll be at home. With the only sane member of the Mars family.
Keith: The one who eats from the garbage and keeps bringing me dead birds?
Veronica: That's the one.

Lilly: [about Celeste] I left phone numbers on matchbooks for Tyrone and Leroy and Chico around the room. Give the woman a little drama in her life.
Veronica: Wait...who's Tyrone and Leroy and Chico?
Lilly: Beats me, but they seem to really upset Mom.

[Veronica is trying to change a flat tire]
Troy: Flat?
Veronica: Just as God made me.

[Veronica stares at a trophy case]
Weevil: If you're looking for my trophy, it's back by the Autoshop.
Veronica: Lube job? Or, can you medal in stealing hubcaps?
Weevil: Is this 1970? Rims, baby.
Veronica: So you got a trophy for a rim job?
Weevil: Forget it. I have some information for you.
Veronica: Finally-- a deep-throat to call my own.

Keith: So, senior year. How was your first day at school honey?
Veronica: Great! I beat up a freshman, stole his lunch money and then skipped out after lunch.
Keith: What, no pre-marital sex?
Veronica: Oh, yea... yes. But don't worry dad, I swear you're gonna like these guys.
Keith: That's my girl.

Keith: 'Sup?
Veronica: I'm not acknowledging that.

Veronica: Well, does this towel make me look fat?
Meg: You need something to wear?
[they walk out of school with Veronica wearing a cheerleading uniform]
Meg: I usually have sweats in my locker. Sorry.
Veronica: No, this is perfect. I just have to resist the urge to do a cartwheel.

Lamb: [reading $100 bill] Veronica Mars is... smarter than me...
Veronica: Oh, you stop it!

~~~~~~~~~~
Witty, no?

EARTH HOUR: Sounds like a damn fine idea to me

On 29 March 2008 the Philippines will join countries around the world as we literally turn the lights out for Earth Hour - an event that will fuel awareness on climate change and prove that when the people of the world work together, they can make a difference in the fight against global warming.

Earth Hour will take place throughout the Philippines from 8 to 9 in the evening on Saturday night, 29 March 2008. WWF invites you to participate by shutting off lights for 60 minutes, organizing your own "lights-out" event or by forwarding this mail to your friends, workmates and family.

Launched in Australia on the 31st of March 2007, Earth Hour moved 2.2 million people and 2100 businesses in Sydney to turn off their lights for one hour.

...aaand lights out everyone!

thriller

ROTFLMAO, i got this from someone else's friendster page. funny as hell.



go ronald!

don't scratch it

one more time with the commercials, people!



hohoho, bigatin talaga ang tv ads ng pepsi.

january playlist

Plus! The We Are One Tonight video from Switchfoot. Ain't they smashing?



A very awfully late happy new year. Smell ya all later ^^

priceless

have a laugh!