Seriously snappy dialogue from TV series Veronica Mars.
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[in a dream]
Veronica: Why are you here?
Lilly: Don't you watch any horror movies? My soul is doomed to walk the earth until justice has been served...
Veronica: Really?
Lilly: Yeah that, and as kind of a side project, I dispense fashion advice.
Jackson Douglas: I hear you do detective stuff for people.
Veronica: I do favors for friends.
Jackson Douglas: I can pay.
Veronica: Sit down, friend.
Veronica: Wait up!
Troy: Don't run, Veronica. People might think you're desperate.
Veronica: That would be a step-up, reputation-wise.
Van Clemmons: Mr. Echolls, I was wondering if I could have a word?
Logan: Anthropomorphic. All yours, big guy.
Keith: [happy] Who's your Daddy?
Veronica: I hate it when you say that.
Keith: This is important, you remember this, I used to be cool.
Veronica: When?
Keith: '77. Trans-Am, Blue Oyster Cult in the 8-track, foxy, stacked blond riding shotgun, racing for pink slips. Wait a minute, I'm thinking of a Springsteen song. Scratch everything. I was never cool.
Veronica: I don't know which bothers me more, "foxy" or "stacked".
Caz: Sabrina, I would never hurt you. You know, if you asked, I would jump off the roof?
Sabrina: Can I get you to stop that?
Veronica: Ask him to jump.
[interview practice in journalism class, Ashley and Veronica are paired]
Miss Dent: Remember, start with light, easy questions first. Let your subject get comfortable.
Ashley: So, Miss Mars, how do you respond to the rumors that you boyfriend hooked with strippers in Tijuana last weekend?
Veronica: Miss Banks, have you decided which parent you're going to live with after the divorce? And, if I may, a follow-up, can you believe your father's choice in mistresses?
Wallace: Another big Friday night. You got plans?
Veronica: I don't know. I might take Backup for a run or rent a movie, maybe.
Wallace: Hey, congratulations. You are officially Neptune High's most boring person.
Veronica: Did I mention the movie might be PG-13?
Trina: Will you just hear me out, please? My boyfriend Dylan spotted me some cash a few months ago and now he's bugging me about it. I can't get him off my back.
Logan: Did you try standing up?
Wallace: [about a suicide] I heard she left a note on her Blackberry.
Veronica: Talk about post modern.
Voiceover Veronica: Best way to stop wondering if your favorite teacher was trying to lure you between his black silk sheets? Research the mystery condition that's causing your ex-boyfriend and possible half-brother to take oxcarbazepine.
[Madison staring at a bathroom mirror]
Veronica: You can keep asking, but you're not the fairest. Trust me.
Madison: Well, I can tell you who the pastiest is. What's the deal - can't buy bronzer with food stamps?
Veronica: You wrote "slut" on my car last year at Shelly's party. Why?
Madison: Because "whore" had too many letters.
Veronica: I'll be at home. With the only sane member of the Mars family.
Keith: The one who eats from the garbage and keeps bringing me dead birds?
Veronica: That's the one.
Lilly: [about Celeste] I left phone numbers on matchbooks for Tyrone and Leroy and Chico around the room. Give the woman a little drama in her life.
Veronica: Wait...who's Tyrone and Leroy and Chico?
Lilly: Beats me, but they seem to really upset Mom.
[Veronica is trying to change a flat tire]
Troy: Flat?
Veronica: Just as God made me.
[Veronica stares at a trophy case]
Weevil: If you're looking for my trophy, it's back by the Autoshop.
Veronica: Lube job? Or, can you medal in stealing hubcaps?
Weevil: Is this 1970? Rims, baby.
Veronica: So you got a trophy for a rim job?
Weevil: Forget it. I have some information for you.
Veronica: Finally-- a deep-throat to call my own.
Keith: So, senior year. How was your first day at school honey?
Veronica: Great! I beat up a freshman, stole his lunch money and then skipped out after lunch.
Keith: What, no pre-marital sex?
Veronica: Oh, yea... yes. But don't worry dad, I swear you're gonna like these guys.
Keith: That's my girl.
Keith: 'Sup?
Veronica: I'm not acknowledging that.
Veronica: Well, does this towel make me look fat?
Meg: You need something to wear?
[they walk out of school with Veronica wearing a cheerleading uniform]
Meg: I usually have sweats in my locker. Sorry.
Veronica: No, this is perfect. I just have to resist the urge to do a cartwheel.
Lamb: [reading $100 bill] Veronica Mars is... smarter than me...
Veronica: Oh, you stop it!
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Witty, no?
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